Be Boring If you’re the most interesting one at the party, something’s definitely wrong. Strive instead to feel outclassed, outsmarted, depressingly dull. It means you’re in superlative company. Ask questions, take notes, skulk home with genius-grant-worthy story ideas.

Other People’s Money Pretend it doesn’t exist. Fixating on the fortunes of others — whether higher or lower — ultimately only has one effect: making you feel like a small-minded wretch. Writing what you love is a richer reward.

Write for the Apocalypse What if the ridiculous blog entry or Kardashian charticle you’re writing today ends up being the only surviving fragment of human culture? It could happen. Edit, sharpen, write like eternity depends on it.

Stay Calm In Thai culture, mai pen rai – “it’s nothing” — is more than an attitude. It’s a way of life. No worries, no dramas, let’s move on. No wonder the Thai economy is booming while the rest of the planet kvetches.

Form a Council Here’s an idea: Every other Monday evening, bring together the ten wisest people you know. Sit in a circle. Dim the lights. Pick a conversation prompt. Respect the person with the talking piece. Watch the transformation unfold. To learn more about the 30-year-old council movement, see www.ojaifoundation.org.

Shower Not only will you smell better than most freelancers, you’ll generate fresher ideas. The New York Times recently reported on the neurologic benefits of zoning out — like when you’re showering — for making the nonlinear connections essential for true creativity.

Spend to Earn I just returned from a month in Thailand. Now I have no choice. I have to write about the experience to pay for it. Make your Visa statement your writing coach.

Be Brief Some radical honesty: People care less than you think about your random musings on the college road trip you took to Florida. Take a hatchet to your draft before pressing send.

I just made these up. It only took me 18 years of freelancing to think of them:

1. Stop Being Paranoid.

People aren’t stealing your ideas, they don’t hate you, they’re not being passive aggressive. And if any of these things actually are true, move on. Life’s too short and brutish to be eaten up by pettiness and small-minded paranoia.

2. Set fake deadlines and meet them.

The editor wants the story December 15. Great. Your deadline is now December 12.

3. It’s about relationships, stupid.

Good pitches will get you assignments. If you want an actual career, work on nurturing and building your relationships with editors instead.

4. Lose the Emoticons

Rid your emails of the following: your smiley faces, your inspirational quotes, the websites of your 15 different businesses. It makes you look flaky.

5. Be nice

Why would YOU want to work with someone who’s cold, whiney, hard to reach on the phone, sloppy with the facts, defensive or a drama queen. Exactly. Editors don’t either.

6. Go back to school

Specialize in something that will give you an advantage over everyone else in your field. Afterwards, you might decide to go for that career full-time and bag freelancing permanently.

7. Have a kid or buy a house

Adding big incentives to making money will force you to behave responsibly and meet your financial goals in ways child-free, mortgage-free people can’t quite imagine.

8. Meditate

Every morning. For at least a half hour. Doesn’t matter which god or non-god or spaceship you pray to. Just do it for 30 days and see what happens.

9. Ixnay the naysayers

By 5 pm today, remove or block all the negative grumps on your Facebook and Twitter lists; make an appointment to see one person who’s been really supportive of your work; whenever good or positive thoughts or people emerge, think of ways to sustain, develop, nurture, augment and encourage them.

10. Put others first

Say thank you. Do things without expecting thanks. Surprise people with your generosity. Give more money than you expected this end-of-year tax season. Do things for free even though you don’t think you can afford to. Say yes when people ask for your support and help.